(Still) Learning Life Lessons

Since writing my blog on my illness and my work, I've had such an incredible response - thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

To follow on from that blog, I'd like to talk about something I was reading earlier this week. It was a 'my illness changed my life' type of blog. While it shed light on a few key positives, it also highlighted the many negative ways in which illnesses creep into our lives, casting shadows on the events that lay ahead.

When I was told there was no cure. I had to live with this. I didn't know what to do. I kept reminding myself of how lucky I was and that this could be so much worse. But I thought my life, like dominoes, was going to collapse one bit at a time. Over this time, I was in the last three or four months of university and I felt like I was drowning. Entirely, 100% unable to keep myself a float. But I made it. I knew, as I'm sure all recent graduates do, that I was at a crossroads. I had to make a decision about where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. As I often joke, when I'm ill... 'I'm a very busy lady, you know, things to do, people to see!' My illness made me brave. I began to think, 'if I can manage this, what else can I do?' So, I dreamed big: An author, a motivational speaker (I'd still love to do this!), a lecturer (a much later addition) and a tutor. I'd got this list of big dreams that would suit my 'new' life and a list of steps of how I'd achieve it.

Next in line, the PhD, to specialise, to help me move forward in the next part of my journey. Again, this would also fit in well with working mostly at home which was part of what appealed to me, particularly with my illnesses. So yes! We are there! Love it. EXCITED! Ready to go...let's get this done! All this planning for that goal, for that list to be ticked off, as I made my dreams a reality. All this prep for the final day. For that final day when everything comes together, that's the day we're waiting for, right?

That.... THAT moment, right there.....is here. It's here now. It's not about the goal. It's about how you reach the goal YOUR way. It's every moment you are here. Every interaction you have, every word you speak, every smile you make. That matters NOW. THAT is what people will remember. That's what you have to enjoy. Enjoy the experiences that you come across in achieving that goal as well as the end result. To give you another analogy (or the one I tell myself, when the worrying gets too much): I'm walking a lot at the moment. I don't walk around the park to hurriedly end up back home. I walk to exercise, to breathe fresh air, to stand in crunchy leaves, make friends with some dogs, ducks and squirrels.

When I walk, I walk IN the moment.

Being ill has taught me that what matters, what makes you, is happening every second of every day. Be who you want to be now.